Great British golf humour

Best caddy quotes to keep you smiling in dire times

Swinging a golf club in the back garden during the intelligent lockdown created by the Coronavirus pandemic of 2020 can become rather tedious after a few weeks. After six weeks, even the most thrilling of past Open Championships screened on television in a bid to entertain golfers and keep us sane in these unprecedented times, begin to lose their charm. Naturally, we all want to get out there in this glorious Spring sunshine and play. However, safe-distancing measures are still in force as countries struggle to contain the highly-contagious COVID-19 virus. And so, quite rightly, golf courses remain closed for the time being.

A few days ago, I overheard someone talking about courses possibly reopening in phases for their own members. First the low handicap players from 0-12 handicap would be allowed to play and then eventually the higher handicappers. It was a joke, of course, but it caused the indignant, nostril-flaring reaction that the first team player had hoped for from his fellow golfer whose dream is still to break 100!

Patience and a healthy dose of Great British humour will help get us through this crisis. Now that reminds me of these wonderful caddy quotes. Enjoy!

Top 10 Best Caddy Quotes

10

Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”

Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course … we left that an hour ago.”

9

Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”

Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

8

Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”

Caddy: “Yes … you miss the ball much closer now.”

7

Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?”

Caddy: “Eventually.”

6

Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”

Caddy: “I don’t think so … that would be too much of a coincidence.”

5

Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction.”

Caddy: “It’s a compass.”

4

Golfer: “How do you like my game?”

Caddy: “It’s very good – but personally, I prefer golf.”

3

Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?”

Caddy: “The way you play, it’s a sin on any day.”

2

Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”

Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed-off, Sir.”

And the Best Caddy Quote:

1

Golfer: “I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”

Caddy: “Do you think you can keep your head down that long?”