Your card in the box shows not a bad score
Familiar feeling – it should have been more
When you came off the course you were flushed with success
But is it enough? That’s anyone’s guess.
“How did you do?” a hopeful enquires
“A mere 42!” he almost expires.
Optimistic he has come
Into the bar with 41
And you stand there with 42
He’ll have no more to say to you.
You stand between the swilling bores
Not daring to ask “Are there any good scores?”
“Someone has brought in a thirty-nine”
“Oh very good”, we hear you say
Exulting as you turn away.
“I heard there was a forty-eight
But y’know how they exaggerate”.
Now everyone’s in from the morning’s play
It’s back home for lunch and after that pray
That your forty-two ‘ll be the best of the day.
Liverpool and Arsenal on ITV
Jumping gee-gees on the BBC
But what’s going on at the N.G.C.
Is someone in with a forty-three?
And so at last it’s time for bed
But you cannot sleep for round your head
Goes the worst – not the best – of the morning’s play
The chips and the putts that turned away.
Twenty and the turn! Two points in the bank
Then that maddening tenth – a hideous blank.
Dawn at last – you haven’t slept
You trip on the stairs – “Oh Jesus wept!”
You shave and you scrub, then you drive to the Club
“Who won the what’s it? Any idea?”
“Dunno, young man. Would you care for a beer?”
I think it was won with a forty-two
Now come to think of it – wasn’t it you?
Your heart skips a beat. You rush to the board
Angina excitement you cannot afford.
“That’s right – I’m right – it was forty-two
So sorry, old boy, but I see it’s not you!”
“Oh would you believe it? The same score as mine
But the blighter has won
With a better back nine!”
(Born as Reginald Herbert Lockwood)
30 October 1912 – 24 April 1996.
Preston Lockwood was an actor, writer and lecturer who had a love-hate relationship with the game of golf. He also loved tennis and playing snooker. He shot to fame in 1994 after he had appeared as his charming old self in Channel Four’s documentary, ‘Golf at Northwood’ – a seemingly harmless television programme which gripped the nation by surprise and caused havoc at Preston’s golf club. His earlier TV appearances included Tenko, Rumbole, Miss Marple, All Creatures Great & Small, Poirot, Peter Wright in the Spycatcher Trial and Inspector Morse.
The poem ‘Stableford’ was written by Preston Lockwood in 1994 or thereabouts for Northwood Golf Club’s Centenary Handbook.
© Photography by Golfing Inspirations